IN MY SKIN . . . Miss Duchess ♫

A cold world i roam forlorned,

Insecure,

Conscious,

For i am branded,

Assigned a name and required to fit the bill,

To find home in it,

To own it,

To embrace the identity given me.

I live in constant fear of mirrors,

So i choose to remain blind,

For i fear that they too shall resound,

That i am imperfect,

That my flaws are my only perfection,

That i can never be beautiful,

In my skin.

I awake each morning and choose a facard,

Something to shelter me from the world,

Something to help me through the day,

Something to hide the pain,

Something to bar my tears,

Something to hold my smile,

Till i can go back home,

And break where no one can see.

In the comfort of these four walls,

These four walls that are my bathroom,

My heart suffers violence,

There before that mirror,

I am tormented by voices,

Fat,

Ugly,

Overweight,

Less than perfect,

And as a weary soldier,

I stomach the beatings from the world,

And retire to bed a depleted soul.

Even in my dreams i am held captive,

Lost in the warpings of others,

Chasing after the fading image of a more perfect me,

Elusive and running, hiding in a maze,

The image of me i am trying to embrace,

A me that is jaded by my bruised esteem.

The light of the day is the bane of my life,

It is then that i am reminded of my form,

Then the struggle that haunted me yesterday,

Becomes real again,

Brushing up the back of my neck,

Grining at me for i am impotent in it's clutch,

Flashing before me images of what lies in store,

For it knows that i am helpless.

Do not judge me,

For despising myself,

For seeking to be different,

For hating the person i am,

In this skin,In my skin,

For i know that you too fall victim,
To a world hungry for comparison.

My tears have run dry,

My cries cannot save me,

I am bound,

Trapped in between who i think i am,

And who i want to be,

A prisoner of the paradigms chaining my mind,

Lost in this warped reality.

Shall i choose to be jailed forever in my fear?

Shall i let my insecurities feed off my soul,

And slowly kill my spirit?

Or shall i fight to redeem what the world stole,

From me,

a helpless soul?

I know somewhere deep down inside,

I love myself for who i am,

I know that i am unique,

That there is only one me,

A me that can truly be,

In my skin.

Therefore i choose,

I choose to free my mind,

From the captivity of the voices of the world,

From myself,

I choose to listen to the Voice of God,

Of He who fashioned me so wonderfully,

Of He who can restore the love of myself,

Of He who calls me child,

In this skin...

It is a journey,

One that i choose to walk all my life,

The voices of the world may not cease,

Insecurities may find crevices in my life,

And creep in again seeking a home,

And i may fall in the same hole again,

In my moments of weakness,

But this one thing i know,

As long as the Most High lives,

I shall embrace the truth,

Truth that says that i am beautiful,

Yes,

Beautiful,

In my skin...

KISSES

Kisses from the sun,

On my eyes as i awake,

Gentle and pure,

Easy and beautifyl,

Carrying with them,

The strength to face the day.

Kisses from the wind,

Blowing against my face,

Each a message from you,

Telling me of how much you love me,

Of how much you misss me,

Reminding me with each kiss,

That our distance will one day be a miracle.

Kisses from the sea,

As i sit on the shore,

Thinking of only you,

The tide is low,

The weather is cool,

The waters are clear,

They wash away my fears,

And the waves return to sea with my tears,

Oh how i miss you!

Kisses from the stars,

In the still of night,

Each a promise of our love,

Our hope to stay together,

To shine together,

Our dreams and future,

Shinning above for all to see,

For us to remember,

And still hold on.

Kisses from the moon,

On my face,

As i close my eyes to sleep,

Some to make me warm,

Some to tuck me in,

Some to sing to my soul,

That i am your only one,

That i am yours alone.

Kisses from your heart to mine,

And though my heart beats imperfectly,

I know that i am strong,

For love knows not time or distance,

Even though you are far awy,

Our hearts beat as one,

For you are in me and i am in you,

Your kisses,

Our love,

Are the hope of forever,

Together as one

WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR RELIGION

When you lose your religion,

You lose a piece of yourself,

The deeper part of you dies,

An empty void is left,

An empty hole.

When you lose your religion,

You lose your identity,

Your connection to something greater,

Is erased,

All that is left,

Is a wandering soul.

When you lose your religion,

You lose your inner voice,

Your heart becomes silent,

You stray from the path of reason,

It's end is a corrupted destiny.

When you lose your religion,

You alter your course of life,

You shut yourself from the better part of you,

You become mediocre,

And live a life you don't deserve to.

The truth is,

One of the greatest tragedies in life,

Is losing your religion,

The one thing you believe in,

For in losing your religion,

You lose your very soul.

Six pence love

You know i'm hurting you,

I can see it in your eye,

I hate it that i'm not so true,

And you don't even ask me why,

Why our love ain't so strong,

Whatever went wrong?

You kiss me and i pull away,

I never listen to half the things you say,

It's as though everything i do has to be my way,

Hurting you is like aame these days,

I'm terribly sorry,

This is my side of the story . . .

I guess i'm justafraid of love,

My heart is not open so i can't give enough,

I'm afraid of losing part of it again,

A heartbreak can mean years of pain,

But i'm working it out i swear,

I'll make it right because i care,

Enough of this six pence love!

LOVE-TAPE by Affinity Koki

Love grows,

Love heals,

And love brought you to me,

You came n healed me from my past pains,

Years and years of emptiness,

You were my love tape . . .

You helped to hold together the broken pieces of my heart with your love,

And though my heart be not whole,

It still beats because of you,

You were the purest of souls,

And our love was pure,

Your patience was blind to my many faults,

Showing me why love needs no eyes,

You taught me how to fight,

You taught me how to raise up my sword for what i believed in,

And i believed in love...

And even though a twist of fate may seem to have ended this beautiful symphony of two souls,

Mine and yours,

I still believe...

I now believe in love,

I believe in always and forever,

I believe in twin souls. . .

So today i am not sad at our sudden dissociation,

I smile as i reminisce the good times,

The memories,

The hopes,

The dreams,

The ambitions,

And the power of love that never dies,

You helped to make me,

You deserve true love,

You deserve better,

And this here,

Is the beginning of our journeys,

I remember....everything...

You will always hold a special place in my heart..

Forever one

PAIN by Affinity Koki

Pain,

It's the things you say,

It's the things you do,

It's in the way,

I hurt when i do the same to you.

Pain,

It's in the tears i cry,

It's in the question why,

Why love sometimes hurts,

And why i need that hurt,

To know just how badly i need love.

Pain,

It's in saying goodbye,

In losing touch of those we love,

Those who had to leave,

Whether in form or spirit,

In duty or in love,

The loss remains a wound,

And pain builds its home in that very crevice.

Pain,

It's in my thoughtless rage,

When anger brings out a side of me i do not know,

It's in the fleeting moment,

That i forget that i know you,

And that i love you,

And still break your spirit in your very face.

Pain,

It's in your eyes,

When you are at a loss of words,

When you know not what to do,

When u know you have to choose love,

Or your family,

And deep inside,

You wish you could have both.

Pain,

It's the threshold of tears,

The smelting of fears,

And the testing of endurance,

It brings out the weaknesses,

And through it,

It makes us strong,

You are only as strong,

As the amount of insurmountable pain you had to endure in your life . . .

HAPPINESS, DREAMS AND MEMORIES

Happiness,

What is it?

A fleeting moment of joy,

Your hands cannot grasp it,

And its form clings to you for a while,

It is not much of an emotion,

It stays and lives a feeling that soon passes.

What say i of dreams?

They are our thoughts,

Desires held prison by our minds,

They too are fleeting,

And often forgotten,

As long as your eyes remain closed,

Your dream has come true,

As soon as your eyes are open,

And you lie wide awake,

It has passed,It is gone.

What of the memories?

Of happiness?

Of dreams?

The key to perpetuating them,

Is to remember,

Memories are the constant flaming torch,

Of the things that brought you happiness,

Of your pending dreams,

If you keep the memories in your heart,

And stay thankful that you were blessed,

Yes,blessed,

With happiness,

And many a chance to dream,

Then you are truly happy,

And your dream?

Your dream lives in your smile . . .